Shanghai'd

It's our last day in Shanghai, and although outside is rainy and foggy, our dimsum plans may be foiled by a stomach bug that first afflicted me, and now Tim. We just want to stay home on our BRATT diet, and finish watching our DVD collection, which was mostly ransacked yesterday during our estate giveaway.

The past days have been filled with packing, meals, tearful goodbyes, and that nagging question - are we doing the right thing? Right now, those of you at home are saying "yes!", while our Shanghai friends are slowly shaking their heads and wondering "why would they want to go?". In the months leading up to our departure, we have found it difficult to explain our reasons for wanting to leave to those expats who are staying on. It is true - we have had a great situation here. Great friends; wonderful career advancement and opportunity; exciting metropolitan living; beautiful, comfortable apartment; and three years of experience which have made living somewhere different, well, not so dauntingly different anymore.

Maybe it's that last point. I can't argue, who would leave for the other reasons? But for us, I don't think Shanghai is the place we need to get comfortable in. For three years, we have lived without access to the great outdoors. There is no open, public space; the air quality is questionable at best. Although I can see for miles from our 25 story balcony sometimes (today definitely NOT), claustrophobia has set in. I fantasize about pushing up a rise on my road bike in the hill country under bluebonnet skies with only the sound of cicadas in my ears. Diving into Barton Springs on one of those Sunday afternoons. Saturday morning circling Town Lake with friends, or just exchanging smiles with strangers. Unrealistically idyllic? Probably.

For me, there is also the luring attractiveness of change. I thrive on it. It was probably the main reason I wanted to come to China in the first place. Something different, totally different. Challenging, stressful, exciting, and unknown - and my infatuation with change gave me the energy to face everything head on, mostly with a smile, and always with determination. So now that the different is not so different, I guess I am feeling a little... bored? No, maybe just jaded.

jaded, adj.

1. Worn out, wearied, or lacking enthusiasm; exhausted.
2. Cynically insensitive; made callous by experience.

I am again looking forward to the upcoming change. And trying my best to prepare for the reverse shock of going somewhere different, but not new. And I am wondering what to do about this blog. Let it die tomorrow? Or continue to chronicle the after effects of being Shanghai'd? I fear the latter would turn into a whine-fest and lead to a slow, bleeding, painful death of this journal. But can our Shanghai experience end tomorrow, when we get on our flight? I suppose that once we are in the air, we will have to face the fact that it will really be over.